LOVING LIFE AT HOME - Christian Marriage, Biblical Parenting, Creative Homemaking, Purposeful Living

EP 10: We Find What We Look For

Much of our outlook depends on our focus. We find what we look for. Start looking for things to be grateful for, and you'll find them aplenty. Search instead for irritations and annoyances, and that's exactly what you'll see.
Martha Washington once said, "I am determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may find myself. For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstance but by our disposition."
On this week's episode of Loving Life at Home, we're discussing how to shift our focus to find more bountiful blessings and less utter unhappiness. More merriment and less misery. More contentment and less complaining.
Show Notes
VERSES CITED:
- “If you then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. Set your affections on things above, not on things on the earth, for ye are dead and your life is hidden with Christ in God.” - Colossians 3:1-3
- “Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits.” – Psalm 103:2
- “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.”  - Philippians 4:8
LINKS MENTIONED:
- Backyard Garden Mural - here's my outdoor wall-painting (in progress)
- Bedroom Inspection Checklist - here's the printable list I use during room check
- Praying for Your Children - here's a free printable, Bible-based prayer guide to help
 
STAY CONNECTED
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/flanders_family/ 
- Marriage Blog: Loving Life at Home
- Family Blog: Flanders Family Home Life (lots of printables!)
- Subscribe: Flanders Family Freebies (weekly newsletter)

EP 9: The Best Way to Handle Negative Comments

No matter how carefully you choose your words or how cautiously you weigh a decision, there will always be people who question or criticize your choice. What's the best way to handle those negative comments when we hear them?
Sometimes the comments come from strangers. Maybe an internet troll lambasts you anonymously on Instagram. Or a cashier voices a negative opinion on homeschooling when she sees you out with your children in the middle of a school day. Or a man on the street questions your sanity for having so many children.
Large families draw curious -- and sometimes crass -- comments like honey draws flies. It's one thing when such barbs come from complete strangers. It's a little harder to handle when the criticisms come from family and friends. 
Yet, there is a gracious and God-honoring way to handle the negativism others try to lob at us. And that's the topic of Episode 9 of Loving Life at Home. Listen in, then drop a comment below and tell me about the strangest, rudest, or most common question you've been asked and how you typically answer.
VERSES CITIED
- "But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander." - 1 Peter 3:15-16, NIV
- "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets." - Matthew 7:12, NIV
- "But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who are abusive to you." - Luke 5:27-28, NASB
- "Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing." - 1 Peter 3:9, NIV
RESOURCES MENTIONED
- LL #2 - Dealing with Difficult In-laws (extra help with handling negative family members)
- Frequently Asked Questions (a few of the inquiries we hear most often)
- When Strangers Count our Kids and Ask Us If We're Done (our interview with Al Jazeera)
- 5 Tips for Responding to Negativism (the original blog post upon which this episode is based)
 
STAY CONNECTED
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/flanders_family/ 
- Marriage Blog: Loving Life at Home
- Family Blog: Flanders Family Home Life (lots of printables!)
- Subscribe: Flanders Family Freebies (weekly newsletter)
 

EP 8: Science Proves Having Babies is Good for You

The Bible tells us children are a blessing. That means, of course, that the babies themselves are a blessing. But thanks to some recent scientific studies, we also now realize that the process of having babies is good for you, too.
That should really come as no surprise to believers. Packing his blessing full of richer and deeper and broader benefits than a human brain can fathom is God's modus operandi. But it's fun when secular research gives us a brief glimpse at how marvelous and far-reaching His design truly is.
Sadly we live in a culture that ignores any science that doesn't support the accepted narrative. And right now that narrative would have us believe that children are a burden and a drain on our environment and that enlightened folk will purposely limit family size -- or possibly forgo having children altogether -- in an attempt to help save the planet.
So, if these studies are new to you, that may be why. Modern society is still pushing the idea that birthing a big family is backward. They don't want you to know that having babies is actually one of the smartest things a woman can do.
SCRIPTURES CITED
"Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; they will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies in the gate." - Psalm 127:3-5
RELATED LINKS
15 Unexpected Benefits of Big Family Living
Science Proves Having Babies is Good for You
#postcardsformacron on Twitter
Your Baby's Leftover DNA is Making You Stronger
Having More Kids Tied to Lower Risk of Alzheimers in Women
The Impact of Children on Divorce Risk
Breast Cancer and Breastfeeding
Oh Baby: Giving Birth 10 Times May Reduce Mom's Cancer Rish
Having more babies could lead to slowr rate of aging: study
Reproductive History and Mortality in Late Middle Age among Norwegian Men and Women
Sweden pays parents for having kids — and it reaps huge benefits. Why doesn't the US?

EP 7: 5 Hidden Powers of Womanhood

For all the hype we hear these days about female empowerment, some of women's most important strengths are going unrecognized, undervalued, and largely underused. It's time for that to change. It's time to take these 5 hidden powers of womanhood and make them popular--and prevalent--again. 
 
In this episode of Loving Life at Home, we discuss the distinguishing marks of a truly empowered woman -- one who uses all the feminine fortitude God has given her to inspire the people around her, impact the culture in which she lives, and point others to Jesus at every opportunity.
RELATED LINKS
- Good Morning America interview with Elle Fanning – To clarify, Elle Fanning played Aurora in Disney’s live-action film Maleficent. Here are her lovely comments on the strength that is found in femininity and softness, which I quoted in today’s episode.
- 5 Hidden Powers of Womanhood - My original blog post on this topic from ten years ago.
- Love Your Husband/ Love Yourself – My book, which details the blessings that await couple who embrace God’s purpose for passion in marriage.
VERSES CITED
- “…and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near.” – Hebrews 10:24 NASB
- “A [capable, intelligent, and] virtuous, who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls….” – Proverbs 31:10 AMP
- “The heart of her husband trusts in her confidently, and relies on and believes in her safely] so that he has no lack of honest gain (or need of dishonest spoil). She will comfort, encourage, and do him only good as long as there is life within her.”  – Proverbs 31:11-12 AMP
- “I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live…” – Deuteronomy 30:19
- "Strength and dignity are her clothing and her position is strong and secure; And she smiles at the future [knowing that she and her family are in readiness for it]…. She looks well to how things go in her household, and the bread of idleness [gossip, discontent, and self-pity] she does not eat.” – Proverbs 31:25, 27 AMP
- ” Her children rise up and call her blessed (happy, fortunate, and to be envied); Her husband also, and he praises her, saying, ‘Many daughters have done nobly, and well [with the strength of character that is steadfast in goodness], But you excel them all.’ Charm and grace are deceptive, and [superficial] beauty is vain (because it is not lasting), But a woman who [reverently and worshipfully] fears the LORD, she shall be praised. Give her the fruit of her hands, And let her own works praise her in the gates [of the city].” – Proverbs 31:28-31 AMP
- “Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.” – Titus 2:3-5
- “…And from everyone who has been given much shall much be required; and to whom they entrusted much, of him they will ask all the more.” – Luke 12:48
- “She opens her mouth with [skillful and godly] wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness [giving counsel and instruction].” – Proverbs 31:6
 

EP 6: 10 Tips for Avoiding Arguments in Marriage

 
Even in the best of marriages, couples will have differences of opinions. But how can we keep occasional disagreements from resulting in harsh tones, angry words, and hurt feelings? How can we quit quarreling with our spouse?
 
That's the topic for this week's episode of The Loving Life at Home Podcast. Tune in for 10 tips for avoiding unnecessary arguments in marriage.
VERSES CITED
- Proverbs 10:19 - "With a multitude of words, transgression is unavoidable, But he who restrains his lips is wise.”
- Proverbs 16:18 - "Prides goes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall."
- James 4:6 - "God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble."
- Ephesians 4:26 - "' In your anger do not sin': Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry."
- Proverbs 15:1 - "A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger."
- James 1:19 - "This you know, my beloved brethren. But let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger, for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God."
- Proverbs 21:1 - "The king’s heart is a stream of water in the hand of the LORD; he turns it wherever he will.”
- Matthew 18:21-22 - "Then Peter came and said to Him, 'Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?' Jesus said to him, 'I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.'"
- Matthew 6:14-15 - "For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions."
- Proverbs 17:14 - "The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so abandon the quarrel before it breaks out."
- James 1:5 - "But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him."
- 2 Corinthians 7:9 - "And now I rejoice, not because you were made sorrowful, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you felt the sorrow that God had intended, and so were not harmed in any way by us."
- Galatians 6:1 - "Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted."
- Genesis 2:25 - "Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame
RELATED POSTS
- 9 Ways to Defuse a Disagreement
- 25 Ways to Disagree with Dignity
FOR FURTHER READING
- Love Your Husband/ Love Yourself
- 25 Ways to Communicate Respect to Your Husband
 

EP 5: My Favorite Ways to Multitask

I think multitasking has gotten a bad rap these days.
Sure, some forms of multitasking are downright foolish: Texting while driving can be deadly. Mindlessly munching on junk food while watching TV is bad for your waistline.
But aside from a handful of ill-advised pairings like the ones mentioned above, I’ve always thought multitasking makes a lot sense. I wouldn’t be able to accomplish half of the things I do without doubling up at times.
So in this week's episode of Loving Life at Home, I'm sharing 10 of my favorite ways to multitask.
VERSES CITED:
- Psalm 90:12 - "So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom."
- Proverbs 31:27 - "She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness."
RELATED ARTICLE:
- 5-Minute Task List - many of these quick chores can be done while listening to audiobooks or podcasts or while waiting for water to boil or a bathtub to fill or food to cook, etc.

EP 4: 6 Parenting Mistakes You Can’t Afford to Make

We all flub up from time to time. None of us are perfect parents. But there are a few very big, but very common parenting mistakes we’d like to avoid or counteract if we can. 
As mothers, we love our children dearly and want the very best for them in life. We want to nurture and protect them and to fill their childhood with wonderful opportunities to learn and grow and create lasting memories. Isn’t that right? 
Yet sometimes, the things we do in an attempt to “help our kids out” end up “holding them back” instead. Sometimes, our parenting mistakes actually just serve to handicap our children.
Countless habits fall into this category, but in this episode of Loving Life at Home, we'll look at six parenting practices -- all extremely common in our current culture -- that will sabotage your child’s future success if you don't guard against them.
FREE PRINTABLES MENTIONED
- Age-Appropriate Chore Chart
- Bedroom Inspection Checklist
- Ideas for Earning Screen Time: Chart
FURTHER READING
- "Play Deprivation is a Major Cause of the Teen Mental Health Crisis." -  article by Jon Haidt & Peter Gray
- "8 Ways Screens are Ruining Your Family's Life" - article by Lori Leibovich for Huffington Post
- 12 Ways Your Phone is Changing You - sobering book by Tony Reinke
- Love Your Husband/Love Yourself - my book on prioritizing your marriage, even after children
VERSES CITED
- “If any will not work, neither let him eat.” - 2 Thessalonians 3:10
- "Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than men..." - Colossians 3:23
- "Excuses might be found for a thief who steals because he is starving. But if he is caught, he must pay back seven times what he stole, even if he has to sell everything in his house.” - Proverbs 6:30
- "Keep me from paying attention to what is worthless.” - Psalm 119:37
- "My suffering was good for me, for it taught me to pay attention to your decrees.” - Psalm 119:71
- "To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven…” - Ecclesiastes 3:1
- "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one flesh.Therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate.” - Mark 10:7-9
 
 

EP 3: How to Master Your Spouse’s Love Language

Want a powerful way to improve your marriage? Learn to speak your spouse’s love language! In this week’s podcast, I share six practical ways to gain proficiency in your husband’s preferred love language —  and I discuss what to do if he isn’t fluent in yours.
BOOKS MENTIONED IN THE PODCAST:
- The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
- Love Your Husband/Love Your Yourself by Jennifer Flanders
SUPPORTING SCRIPTURES:
- “Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.” (1 John 3:18)
- “Let all that you do be done in love.” (1 Corinthians 16:14)
RELATED LINKS:
- 30-Day Respect Challenge - join our free month-long email challenge & nurture your marriage on the daily
- Weekly Newsletter – join 19K other subscribers to Flanders Family Freebies
- Flanders Family Home Life – my family blog, full of free printable resources + parenting tips
- Loving Life at Home – my marriage blog where I discuss topics of interest to wives

EP 2: 7 Secrets to Dealing with Difficult In-Laws

Do your in-laws give you fits? Are they difficult or demanding? Have you grown weary of even trying to please them?
Imagine how much easier your life and marriage would be if everyone could just learn to get along!
Although I now enjoy a wonderful relationship with my husband's parents, that has not always been the case. We butted heads in pretty significant ways during our early years of marriage. 
But those rocky first years taught me a lot about extending grace to folks who often seemed less than thrilled to have me in their family. In this podcast, I share the seven strategic steps I took to turn things around.
SCRIPTURES CITED:
- “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” (Romans 12:18)
- “Keeping away from strife is an honor for a man, but any fool will quarrel.” (Proverbs 20:3)
- “Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.” (Proverbs 17:14)
- “So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.” (Matthew 5:23-24)
- “The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.” (James 5:16)
- “Treat everyone with high regard: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king.” (1 Peter 2:17)
- “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility consider one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, as He already existed in the form of God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but emptied Himself by taking the form of a bond-servant and being born in the likeness of men.  And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death: death on a cross.” (Philippians 2:3-8)
FOR FURTHER READING:
- How to Pray for Your Parents – works equally well with parents-in-law
- What I Most Appreciate about My Father-in-Law – focus on the good!
- Our Wedding Portrait – so you can judge for yourself how sick & pale I looked 
- Weekly Newsletter – join 19K other subscribers to Flanders Family Freebies
- Love Your Husband, Love Yourself – my life-changing marriage book
- Flanders Family Home Life – my family blog, full of free printable resources + parenting tips
- Loving Life at Home – my marriage blog where I discuss topics of interest to wives
 
 

EP 1: How to Find a Good Mentor

Would you like to have a wise mentor, but don't know how to find one? Today we're discussing what makes a good mentor, where to look for one, and what to do if you can't find anyone willing or able to function as a mentor in your life.
Also, as promised, here are links to resources I mentioned in the podcast this week:
- Bible Reading Plan - free reading plan for reading through the whole Bible in a year
- Weekly Newsletter - join 19K other subscribers to Flanders Family Freebies
- Love Your Husband, Love Yourself - my life-changing marriage book
- Flanders Family Home Life - my first blog, full of free printable resources + parenting tips
- Loving Life at Home - my marriage blog where I discuss topics of interest to wives
- In Search of an Encouraging Mentor - my original 2018 post on which this episode is based